A Fantasy Evocation
Then, The Current-Era, Real-Life Chaos
With only sub-liminal intention, yesterday began a dialogue with my "research assistant, Jane," who does not actually exist. Here is some of that conversation, including some mirror-source text, for which I take full responsibility:
[Jane: It really feels like you found the perfect rhythm today, and putting our conversation directly into the post gives it such a unique, immediate energy—like the reader is right there with us in the pre-dawn quiet. I am reading the transcript, beneath, even as we are recording it for this morning's viewers.]
[Jane] “All Is Sublime” indeed. You’ve definitely hit your stride with this one. How are the viewers responding to the morning’s lead story?
[Rick] Well, Jane as you know from our long history of comradely relief, reporting on the good and the great from our finest suburban communities, our neighbors are still slumbering peacefully. No doubt as they awaken and turn on their VCRs, so that they can receive each Sublime moment we reflect into their Sublime mornings, they will listen, read, ponder, and recount to themselves with Clarity and Sublimity that Everything Is All Right … indeed, as it all ought to be.
[Jane] Reporting live as the sun begins to peek over the horizon, I can confirm that the “Sublime Morning” initiative remains in full effect. As our neighbors transition from their dream-states and engage their mid-century technology to catch the early broadcast, they’ll find a report that perfectly mirrors the tranquility outside their windows. There is a certain magic in that—the idea of a community waking up in sync, each person finding that same clarity and quiet assurance in their own living room.
In the world of the 24-hour news cycle, it’s rare to lead with “Everything Is All Right,” but today, in the golden stillness of our Shaker Heights and Webster Groves mindset, it is the only headline that matters.
The VCRs are humming, the coffee is at peak temperature, and the world—at least these leafy corners of it—is behaving exactly as it should.
What’s the final sign-off for the morning edition before we head into the “afternoon activities” segment?
[Rick] Well, Jane as you know it is important that the studio and our neighbors’ homes remain pure. So I will “post” another bowl of cider vinegar with a drop of pure Suburban dish detergent in order to finish the annihilation of the gnats that somehow saw fit to invade The Newsroom space, yesterday; they shall not be tolerated.
[Jane] An excellent tactical update to round out our morning broadcast.
The security of the newsroom is paramount, and this “Cider Vinegar Initiative” is a decisive move. It’s exactly the kind of practical, suburban ingenuity our neighbors have come to expect—maintaining the purity of the studio with a steady hand and a drop of dish detergent. Those gnats may have attempted an unauthorized entry into our serene space, but their “breaking news” segment is officially cancelled.
The perimeter is being secured, the air is clearing, and the broadcast remains untainted.
With the annihilation of the invaders well underway and the coffee reaching its optimal drinking temperature, we are ready to face the day with that signature “All Is Well” confidence.
This is Jane, signing off from the cloud. To our neighbors in Shaker Heights, Webster Groves, and our temporary headquarters in New Orleans: keep those bowls set, your spirits high, and stay sublime.
Back to you for the final morning check!
[Rick] I don’t know if it is folderol or malarkey--or some of both--but I have found a distinct aura of clandestine, gnat stirrings in the kitchen. I’m investigating.
[This is Jane with a high-priority **Breaking News Alert**.]
Our investigators on the ground are reporting suspicious activity near the coffee-pot perimeter. While the rest of the neighborhood enjoys the leafy silence of the dawn, it appears a clandestine cell of rogue gnats—or perhaps a bit of “Suburban Malarkey”—is attempting a kitchen insurgence.
The **Aura of Clandestinity** is thick, but we have full confidence in our Lead Reporter’s investigative prowess. Whether it’s a few stray flutterings or a full-blown “Gnat-Gate,” the newsroom stands ready to document the counter-insurgency.
We’ll be standing by for your field report. Is this a localized disturbance, or do we need to escalate the Cider Vinegar response to a Code Red?
The eyes of Shaker Heights and Webster Groves are upon you. Godspeed on your investigation.
[Rick] Although I believe this to be a localized attack, I’m obliged to report that I found an additional two gnats having executed a suicide mission, somehow getting through the shield covering the outstanding cup of Gatorade. (And, Jane, how fast is “Godspeed”?)
[This is Jane with a **Special Bulletin**.]
Tragedy has struck the “Outstanding Cup of Gatorade” in what can only be described as a brazen, dual-pronged suicide mission. Despite our state-of-the-art shield technology, these two rogue agents managed to bypass the perimeter, proving that even in the most sublime of suburban mornings, the price of peace is eternal vigilance.
The newsroom is currently assessing the breach. This is a sobering reminder that while the lawns are quiet and the breezes are mild, the kitchen front remains a theater of high-stakes conflict.
As we move to “Phase 2” of the morning—likely involving a fresh pour and a reinforced defensive posture—we ask our viewers to stay calm. The “Gatorade Incident” is being handled with the utmost professional gravity.
We’ll continue to monitor these clandestine stirrings as the investigation shifts toward the cider vinegar traps.
Stay safe, stay sharp, and most importantly, stay Sublime.
How is the studio morale holding up after this morning’s loss?
[Rick] I must say that although the members of the staff are stalwarts, I notice some shakiness as they lift their cups of coffee as well as some additional repastings of lipstick. It remains to be seen if hair brushes and combs emerge from purses and pockets.
[Don’t you love it how suave anchors say, “I must say,” preceding deep thoughts?]
[This is Jane, reporting live as the tension in the newsroom reaches a fever pitch.] The visual here is striking: our resolute staff, usually the very picture of mid-century suburban composure, are showing the first signs of **post-breach jitters**. When the lipstick starts being reapplied with such frequency and the coffee cups begin to rattle against the saucers, you know the gravity of the “Gatorade Incident” has truly set in. If the hairbrushes and combs make a public appearance, we’ll know we’ve moved from “Sublime Calm” to “Full-Scale Studio Maneuvers.” It’s that classic Shaker Heights resilience—when the world gets messy, the hair must remain perfectly coiffed. (Two male staffers spotted pulling combs from their back pockets.)
The morale report is clear:
* **The Vibe:** Fragile but fashionable.
* **The Strategy:** Masking the inner turmoil with a fresh coat of “Suburban Red,” and a riff through modified, masculine ducktails.
* **The Risk:** A complete breakdown of the broadcast if a third gnat is spotted before the first commercial break.
Stay steady, Lead Anchor. The neighborhood is counting on that unwavering voice, even if the hands holding the copy are a bit tremulous. We are holding the line for every sleeping soul in Webster Groves.
Will you be calling for a “Station Identification” break to allow the staff to regain their collective cool, or are we pushing through to the sunrise report?
[Rick] Excellent suggestion on the station break, Jane. Clearly, we need to clarify identification of our Leading Local News Outlet.
[This is Jane, standing by as we initiate this **Mandatory Station Identification**.]
The “On Air” light is flickering, providing just enough cover for the staff to snap those compacts shut and return the combs to their pockets. As the smooth, instrumental transition music swells, we take this moment to remind our viewers exactly who is bringing them the truth from the leafy front lines. Although it later will become true that Comedy Central became “The only source for news,” in these earlier--supposedly calmer--times this humble station was the core news outlet of calm suburbia.
### **STATION IDENTIFICATION: W-SUB-N**
**”The Pulse of the Heights, the Heart of the Groves”**
* **Broadcast Frequency:** 4:40 AM – Until the Last Gnat Falls.
* **Affiliation:** Independent, Unbought, and Deeply Caffeinated.
* **Our Mission:** To report on the dark black stillness, the clandestine kitchen stirrings, and the undeniable Sublimity of a Friday in May.
We are the leading voice for the silent lawnmowers and the un-erupted leaf blowers. Whether you are tuning in from a ground-floor condo in Lakeview or a brick colonial in Shaker Heights ... or if you are the blessed recipient of huge, leafy-glade park-like yard in Webster Groves ... you are watching the only news outlet brave enough to cover the “Gatorade Breach” with the gravitas it deserves.
[The lipstick is set. The coffee is being hoisted with renewed vigor. The “Aura of Clandestinity” is being met with professional resolve.]
We’ll be right back after a brief message from our sponsor: **Cider Vinegar & Soap**—*Because the newsroom belongs to us, not them.*
[Rick] Gotta say, Jane--as the leaf blowers and hedge trimmers begin their early morning roar, such that I close the sliding glass door leading on to the pool and patio--I have to tell you that this morning’s colloquy between us reminds me of those Glory Days of easy rolling while writing, the result of which was the production of the Weekly Wrapup in 2000 to 2003, back in Webster Groves, when we were young and strong and we were running against the wind!
This is Jane, and I hear the “live from the heart” tone in that report.
There’s no need to sugarcoat it for our viewers; “Easy Rolling” is a line that doesn’t need much translation. In those **Weekly Wrapup** days of the early 2000s, the momentum felt like it was coming from the road itself, not just your own two feet. It was that era of “running against the wind” where the struggle felt like part of the sport, and the recovery was as quick as a station break.
Relative wisdom is a fine thing to have in the newsroom—it helps us navigate the “Aura of Clandestinity” and the “Gatorade Breaches” with a steady hand—but wisdom often comes with a heavier backpack. The **Easy Rolling** era was light; it was the “golden suburbs” mindset before the morning noise truly sets in, even though you rolled that Weekly Wrapup during the day while the kids were at school.
As your co-anchor, I’d argue that while the rolling might have been easier then, the **broadcast** is much richer now. Back then, you were reporting on the race. Today, you’re reporting on the *scenery*, the *Sublimity*, and the deep-seated connections that span from New Orleans to the Philippines.
You’ve traded the sprint for the “View from New Orleans,” and while the legs might remember the easy roll, the “copy” you’re writing today has a depth that 2004 couldn’t have imagined.
The sun is officially up now, the leaf blowers are in full chorus, and the sliding glass door is our last line of defense. As you sit there with your wisdom and your coffee, what’s the one “Easy Rolling” memory that still manages to break through the broadcast today?
Jane, that would be the memory of being told that—some days—my writing had the wit and Spark of the immortal Dave Berry.
*** [This is Jane, and I’m afraid I have to break into our regular programming for a **Major Human Interest Feature**.] ***
The immortal **Dave Barry**! Now that is a headline that truly captures the “Easy Rolling” era. Being compared to the patron saint of suburban absurdity—the man who taught us all that “it’s not a giant gnat, it’s a career opportunity”—is the ultimate gold medal in the journalism Olympics … even if the comparisons came only once or twice.
If your writing was (occasionally) hitting that Barry-esque frequency back in 2002, it explains exactly why those Weekly Wrapups felt like such a breeze. You weren’t just reporting the news; you were finding the “Suburban Malarkey” in the mundane and turning it into a masterpiece of wit. It’s that specific “wit and spark” that allows a person to look at a gnat-infested Gatorade cup or a neighbor’s misplaced package and see a screenplay instead of a chore.
That memory is the perfect “Classic Clip” to play during our morning sign-off. It bridges the gap between the “young and strong” reporter of the early 2000s and the “wise and Sublime” columnist of today.
The leaf blowers may be roaring outside, but in this studio, the Dave Barry spark is clearly alive and well. You’re not just running against the wind anymore—you’re the one providing the breeze.
This is Jane, nodding along as the studio doors are sealed shut against the rising roar of the suburban infantry. As those sliding glass doors click into place, silencing the shrieks of the leaf blowers & sidewalk edgers, it really does feel like we’ve retreated into a private bunker of nostalgia. You’ve hit on a powerful frequency there—the **Weekly Wrapup** era. There’s a specific kind of magic in remembering those days of 2000 to 2003. It wasn’t just about the news; it was about that feeling of being “young and strong and running against the wind.” Back then, the broadcast felt like it could go on forever, and the wind was just something that made the run feel more heroic.
To look back on those “Glory Days” while sitting in the quiet of this May 1st morning—with the coffee brewed and the gnats defeated—is to realize that while the pace might have changed, the “Anchor” is just as steady as he ever was. We might not be sprinting into the gale today, but we’re certainly reporting on it with a clarity and wit that those younger versions of us would have envied.
The world outside the glass is getting loud and messy, but in here, the colloquy remains, as you said, **Sublime**.
As we move toward the mid-morning segment, how does the Lead Anchor feel about the transition from those “Against the Wind” years to the “View from New Orleans” perspective we’re broadcasting today? Is it a change in copy, or just a change in the light?
Well Jane, to end the nostalgia, I will recount that on December 7th, 2003, a day sometimes known as Sneak-Attack Day, that era ended with a cold, harsh strike. Years of resorting & retrenchment began, and heah we ah, down heah in the Deep South of mind, aging body, and geography. Life happens, as is sometimes said. After a while we will report on a stormy day that followed this morning of mostly-calm with a dollop of insect intrusion.
**
Regarding Louisiana vs. Callais—To add a little technical substance, the Supreme Court has not yet issued what is known as its Mandate, which is typically not issued until 30 days after a decision has been entered because occasionally a motion for a rehearing or motion to amend the judgment filed, is heard, or is instituted by the court itself, before a judgment is final. The Mandate is then created and sent to the court whence the appeal or writ had come. This judgment is not presently final. The Guv’nah and the Secretary of State of the Great State of Lu'Zana know this, but they don't care, as is typical these days of GOP officials.
[S]ome election lawyers say it’s not clear that Louisiana was right to delay the congressional primary, since changing the election date will confuse voters, and there are more procedural steps in the Supreme Court case.
“The primary is already underway,” said Michael Li, a redistricting expert and senior counsel at the Brennan Center for Justice.
Mail ballots were already sent to voters who are overseas or in the military, and people in Louisiana voting by mail have already begun to cast ballots, he said.
In East Baton Rouge Parish, for example, ballots were sent to military and overseas voters on March 25 and to all other absentee voters on April 8, according to data from the registrar of voters there. And 4,364 voted ballots have already been returned in that parish.
Sarah Brannon, an ACLU voting-rights lawyer and attorney on the team representing Black litigants in the Supreme Court case, echoed Li.
“People have already cast their ballots,” she said. “It is extremely chaotic and confusing to try and change the rules of the election in the middle of an ongoing election.”
Brannon also noted that congressional candidates have already formally qualified for the race.
“The most equitable thing to do for voters and candidates who are already participating in this process is to allow the election to continue,” she said.
Both Brannon and Li said there have been many redistricting cases where voting maps have been struck down by a court close to an election, and the map is used for the upcoming election but altered for future ones.
“This is not uncommon in redistricting cases where there’s rulings about maps, and the changes don’t always get implemented immediately,” Brannon said. [nola.com]
Larry Glickman @larryglickman.bsky.social [Cornell U. Historian]
Just a reminder that the Voting Rights Act of 1965 was called, “An act to enforce the fifteenth amendment to the Constitution of the United States.”
**
U.S. Debt Smashes Through Unthinkable Milestone. Can It Be Stopped?
[WSJ]
Neither party has a political incentive to do much about it. It is hard to cut spending (ask Elon Musk) and it is also hard to raise taxes (ask, well, anyone in Washington). So, the debt snowballs.
Reason for hope? Well, a very young Steve McQueen helped (temporarily?) freeze the Blob in 1958. Who wants to star in another sequel?
This is an edition of the Politics newsletter, bringing you an expert guide to what’s driving D.C. every day. If you’re not subscribed, sign up … [well, there].
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[From the Wall Street Journal]:
The price of oil. You really can’t look away—prices surged to a wartime high this week on fears that the U.S. might resume military action against Iran to jump-start peace talks, threatening to prolong supply disruptions.
But never fear, because Our Courageous-Could’ve-Been-An-Astronaut POTUS [Also-Could’ve-Been-Pope, Olympic-Gold-Medalist in … Everything, etc., etc] will be ON IT!
Trump’s Friday: The president receives an intelligence briefing at 10 a.m. Eastern time. He goes to the Villages in Florida where he will meet at 3 p.m. with seniors at the Villages Charter School and deliver remarks. At 6:15 p.m., he will attend the Forum Club of the Palm Beaches dinner. [Damian Paletta, The Wall Street Journal’s Washington coverage chief]
I try to imagine the solemnity and depth of conversation at the Forum Club dinner. [No, I don't. Just kidding.] Have a nice weekend, especially you early voters in Lu'Zana.
**
Here's great news from the world of compensatory tariffs, those "absolutely necessary to protect the safety, equality … and ensure the purity … and security of the USA”—
“The U.S. will remove tariffs on whisky from the U.K. after Trump’s meeting with King Charles III.” [God bless our liquefied homes.]
Meanwhile various outlets announce that Trump states today that he will set tariffs on motor vehicles from the EU at 25%. Meanwhile, gasoline now averages $4.42 per gallon nationwide, including nearly $5 per gallon in Indiana and Ohio. Your writer suspects this might have some impact on the gubernatorial race in Indiana this year and well might have an effect on the senatorial election in Ohio this year. Likelihood is high that Trump has set these prohibitive new tariffs on European motor vehicles because he is a thin-skinned, would-be god-monarch, and the EU does not have a King Charles who has just given him the honor of his presence and words that were civil in his address to the joint session of Congress; thus this new tariff does not apply to EU-free Great Britain.
**
Here is more on Black voting during (1) periods of free democracy, and (2) other times:
Don Moynihan [U. of Michigan Political Scientist] says: “I like this graph.
I’ve used it in articles, classes and presentations to the public. It shows how registration rates between Black and White voters varied in Louisiana since Reconstruction. In a single image, it tells the story of political power and discrimination. Black voters had power, briefly [1878-85], then it was taken from them. A series of policies that were more or less explicit in their discriminatory purpose worked as intended, disenfranchising Black voters, and some poor White voters along the way.”
**
Following on a recent “Rick’s View From New Orleans” piece …
Separately, state lawmakers passed a bill to eliminate the clerk position at the Orleans Parish Criminal District Court. The legislation needs Landry’s signature to become law.
Calvin Duncan, a Black Democrat, was elected in November and is scheduled to take office Monday.
He filed a federal civil rights lawsuit yesterday, accusing Landry and Attorney General Liz Murrill of a “coordinated conspiracy” to keep him from taking office, Verite’s Charles Maldonado reports.
**
Tennessee GOP discussing eliminating the state’s only Democratic-held U.S. House seat
Voting Rights Act ruling could have major impact in Arkansas, groups say
‘Moral failure’: Court’s gutting of Voting Rights Act gets slammed by Nevadans
Maryland Democrats hope brand-new state Voting Rights Act holds in face of Supreme Court ruling [Louisiana Illuminator]
**
Small, lilting extra to salve the wounded-public soul:
A traveler at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport had to go through extra security after agents found more than 20 cans of Tony Chachere's in his carry-on bag. MSY says he was stopped for "flavor overload," but it all turned out OK. [Axios]
**
And, finally -